Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
