How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
