White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
there is glitter all over my balls
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
