I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
