You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
