So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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