I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
