My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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