franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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