so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
