we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
