this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
