Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
