I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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