I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
