you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
