somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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