Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
