I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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