The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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