I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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