she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You ruined the universe
Randomize
