Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
