I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
