im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
