i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
