I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
