I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I came so hard my ears popped.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
