Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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