Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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