Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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