i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
