The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
