I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
