I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
