I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Randomize
