I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
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