Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
