Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
