He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
