I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Randomize
