so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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