My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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