he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
