I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
