I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
And then my night got REAL pukey
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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