either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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