ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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