I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
