You work out of a Hotel?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
