How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
