I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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