He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
